I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
