So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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