Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
