This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
