There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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