Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
