How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
