i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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