TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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