Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
