You just made me feel so damn special
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
