We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
