am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
