This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
