We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
