cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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