i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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