imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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