at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
