why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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