the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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