i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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