You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
