As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
