I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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