sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
