How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
