I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
