So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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