in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
