I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
