You just made me feel so damn special
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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