So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
