So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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