I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was confusing and full of hummus
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
