Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
