Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
