I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
