hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
