My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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