Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
