May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
