Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
