Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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