Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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