I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
