I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
zippers are such a cool invention
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
