i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
