dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
