Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
