what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
