Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
