Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
