He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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